This can usually be found on Twitter.
Yes, I shouldn't be complaining; yes, I should be sitting me down and figuring out something to do or go and try to get myself inspired somehow, but I don't have the time, and quite frankly, I just can't be bothered.
Today at lunch, when Darwin had a mango ice cream of some sort, I announced that this was it - I was missing home. That was somewhat weird, cos I
never miss home - I mean, yeah sure, I miss it soon after I come here and stuff, but this is the first time that I've properly missed home, right in the middle (end?) of a semester, and totally don't know why. Even walking through Science, to come to my lab, I was being throttled by the wet-wet heat of Singapore and longing for either the cool of Bangalore (which isn't cool anymore), the ocean breeze of Bombay (which is Illegal in Mumbai) or the dry thirsting heat of Pune (in which nothing but lying around in air-conditioned rooms - when you can! - matters).
I figure it's probably the fatigue and the stress and the fear and the underachievement (noachievement?) and the lack of a motivating factor in my life. The feeling that suddenly, somehow, nothing really really matters, and it's all an illusion.
Maya, maybe, the Illusion of Life; and right now I'm trapped in treacle-thick strands of Maya, and nothing is real, nothing to get hung about. But without something to get hung about, you tend to get hung about all sorts of minor things :) or is that just me being tired?
I know. I want something to matter to me but right now, nothing really matters to me, I think, and that feels not-good. I should be happy, I suppose, happy that atleast right now (I think) my happiness doesn't depend on anyone or anything, but just on me (I think). And (I think) that's good. But (I feel) not so good. About it.
I'm tired. I'm lonesome. I'm trapped.
I want to go back home :(.
This post was posted by Unknown at 2:37 pm
