Gaurav's Blog

This can usually be found on Twitter.

One of the questions people keep asking me is, if my birthday is on the 29th of February, when do I celebrate it? And, in typical Gaurav fashion, I keep forgetting.

Now I remember. I just celebrate it on Both the 28th and the 1st! :D Heh.

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It's time like this that I miss KE.

The storm is in full force, blowing fiercely outside my window ... but it's just not the same like in KE ... the sheer ferocity ... the force ... the noise ... the wind. Oh God, the wind ...

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For the second time today, something has reminded me of a Mad About You episode.

For those who haven't seen it, MAY is the single most romantic television show I know (yes, yes, I know, "in my humble opinion", etc. etc., but this is my blog). It's awesome, simply because the romance is almost never actually written into the script ... it just comes about, as the characters interact, live, breathe and dance together. Sort of like "I Love Lucy", except in a fast-paced zany New York way that nobody else can quite match.

And my favourite MAY episode - well, set of episodes - were the last two. Brilliantly done, beautifully poignant, mixing happiness with sadness, despair with triumph, keeping the jokes flowing as MAY always did, but keeping your eyes wet all the same. Man, was that good television.

Yeah, well ... doesn't really matter. Am just in one of those ... reminiscent, sad, lovelorn ... wishing, wanting, waiting ... you know the crap. Sheesh, Such horrid moods, these. And so friggin' tempting, you know, to just let myself go and fall for somebody for no good reason at all ...

Thankfully, a running combination of Eminem (and have you seen his new Mockingbird video? Not great, but quite nice), lab work, burnt fingers and all the rest of it, hopefully I'll hobble along somehow.

Mockingbird is now playing ... nice ... "things have got so bad between us, I don't see us, ever being together, ever again ... I guess it was never meant to be, but it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is". Yeah, that's it. That's the trick. Now focus, focus ...

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Need a reminder to the fragility of life? There you go.

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Yes, it's true ... I am "slightly nerdy" ... with any luck, in a year, I'll be completely nerdfree! Ngahahahahahaha!

Err, maybe not ...

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no really. it just does. suck suck suck suck suck.

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Well, yeah, dreamy day. Did nothing and enjoyed it very much. Had a ... nostalgic attack of romance and lovelorn-ness. Cured it with a pretty crappy movie.

Oh, and had a *very* cruddy game of Civilization II ... ah, well, can't have everything ...

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I'm a little confused. I say a little, because I don't really have the time to bother about it much, and after the last couple of weeks I guess I'm pretty sure I can handle most things.

Okay, in a nutshell: things are changing around me, and I'm not very sure how to deal with it. Naturally, I'm going to just have to chart out whatever course makes most sense at the point. I mean, what else can I do? The problem is, that the last few days have been kinda bad for me, and I guess I'm just worried that this might drive me to make decision or go down roads where ... I mean, that I'll choose the immediate-gratification option and get myself back into trouble.

Roughly, my options are: pullback (and go back to where I was last few weeks), slide forward (and risk going back to last sem ... or is that a risk? Not sure ...)

On the other side, as long as I can avoid going back to last sem, I guess I'm still ahead of the game ... right? And since things don't look like that can actually get worse, they can only get better ... right?

Okay, not really. The last few sems have been fun and all, but I really don't want to go through all that crap again. I. Really. Don't. Want. To. Go. Through. That. Crap. Again.

Damn, if only it wasn't so tempting ... !

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Okay, first of all - heard this song after a long, long, long time ... and my lor', but is it awesome!

Shit, I'm sleepy.

Okay, am pushing the b.p. for LifeZero. Let's see how this pans out ...

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... the smartest, or stupidest thing I've ever said. It might be the best summary of the whole MyBiome idea I've ever made.

In a nutshell:

1. First, there was the Internet. Information abounded, as it was mostly a scientific and institute-based medium.
2. Quality and information dropped, as crud began to accumulate.
3. Companies came out to "organise" the crud, to provide points of reference in this great virtual world. The first portals were born.
4. Crud increased beyond the ability of these portals to handle. Return to step 2.

Since then, it's pretty much been a fight between the enablers (Netscape, Microsoft), the data organisers (Yahoo, Google) and the data providers (CNET, news websites, Amazon.com, blogs) on one hand, and the crud (badly designed websites, spam sites).

Conclusion: there is still space for people to find websites which organise information targeting their specific interest. I think.

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What is the meaning of life?

1. Fighting for something you believe in.
2. Loving somebody.
3. Creating someone (see #1).

Gotta sleep; to be continued.

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Woah - what a day!

Okay, got up ridiculously late :(. Sorta ended up walking into the lab meeting midway. After the meeting, showed Prof my numbers - it's such a kick when your program works correctly (I hope?!) and produces good results, while still being pretty darn flexible (yes, I'm a proud daddy :). Then the day really got into gear.

Despite me being in a totally dazed state, a plan to watch movies was evolved and executed by Kathy, Gwynne and me to go and watch a movie - which we promptly did, stopping only for a delicious Italian late lunch (or early dinner). We ended up watching a Japanese movie (the name escapes me, but will put it back up once I remember) - gloriously fun, both intentionally (I really thought some of the gags) and unintentionally (ain't as bad as some movies I've seen, and more hammy than actually irritating), so had a great time on the whole. Then bummed around on Orchard, chatting about pretty much anything and everything. Lots of food (too much money-wasting, alas) and good company - a brilliant Saturday. Am a little worried about how late I'm going to be waking up tomorrow. Ah, well.

Oh, some basic functionality has appeared on the LifeZero website. Go give it a check, and comment about it on this blog. Thanks!

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Am currently taking this test (warning: classical blogger "personality" test!), mainly because just going over the options, I thought myself kinda wedged between practically all four of the personality types.

Ha! My result is actually exactly as I predicted:

• Extroverted - 1%
• Intuitive - 11%
• Feeling - 22%
• Perceiving - 33%

So I am right in the middle after all!

Wait - check this out: ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole (from typelogic.com). Often bizarre cosmic whole? Shit, that is so me!

A better page. So, any other ENFPs out there?

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Too much to do, too little time. Too many little things to trip over, too many big things to worry about. And way, way, way, way too much on my plate. Sigh. Weekend, where art thou?

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For those who don't get it (is there anybody? Just about all of my "readership" ought to be Singaporean ...), tonight is - was - the Chinese New Year. The Year of the Rooster is upon it, and since last year end (both Chinese and English, actually) were pretty ambiguous, I'd just like to put some stuff down, just to clarify stuff for myself and - I guess - for those around me. Well, me mostly. If you get bored, don't blame me.

Just discovered a grand post by Yvette, so am pleased at peach. Got to do all the demon-exorcising (well, okay, not really) and it's unbelievably late now. Shit. Tomorrow is going to be a bad day.

Ah, well ... so what else is new?

(The writer would like to note that the above is only indicative of his current state of extraordinary exhaustion, and not of his general mood. Life is actually pretty good right now, and as mentioned repeatedly, is getting better. So, ha).

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A blogfection from New York has stuck WorldzUnlimited, and given rise to the following:

1. Living arrangement?
   Four agonizing stories about ground floor, exactly halfway between the washroom and kitchen, and with a pretty enough view of Extension A^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H Tower Block (sunrise looks pretty, but with a lack of high rises out west, I think all Singaporean sunrises look pretty!). My room is perenially messy, but I think it's doing much better this sem than the last (or any other previous one, I guess). Right now, it's a little icky around the corners, messy when it comes to books and papers all over the place, and the laundry "bin" is overflowing ... but home is always home :).
2. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU READING NOW?
   "Business: The American Challenge for Global Competitiveness" by Zikmund, Middlemist and Middlemist, "Islam" by Alfred Guillaume, and - on and off - "Gulliver's Travels" by Jonathan Swift. Yeah, need to get more interesting stuff from the library, I know.
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
   My mouse. Well, in my lab, atleast. At home, I have a widdle touchpoint-type mouse.
4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
   Don't have one right now ... would love to read Time magazine or Reader's Digest, but I'm just a pore coll'ge stud'nt. Of course, with any luck, this will change by the 1st of March :).
5. FAVORITE SMELLS?
   Ha! I can't say the real answer on this blog. People smells, I guess. I'm starting to really like the smell of sausages. Anything sweet, I guess.
6. FAVORITE SOUNDS?
   Songs and poetry - anything where you can close your eyes and listen to the flow of the words themselves, walking slowly through your mind. Among music, I like anything with meaningful lyrics, a good tune, and most of all, a good beat.
   Okay, that's not really what was asked, was it? Lemme try again - bird sounds. I love bird sounds - it's one of the reasons I loved my first year in KE. I love the crickets and birds and things waking up in the early morning. If I'm outside, I love the perfect silence which can completely pervade a forest sometimes - happens on Kent Ridge road a lot, if you happen to live around here. And I love the sound of conversation too, just the general buzz of activity and people around me. Well, sometimes.
   Oh, almost forgot ... friends calling to say "let's go out" (hint, hint) :D.
7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
   Feeling left out. Feeling incompetent or incapable. Mostly, feeling left out, of almost anything, anywhere, anyhow.
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
   I am incapable of thinking after I wake up. My first rational thought generally hits me halfway between my room and school, and it's generally something along the lines of, "Hey, did I forgot to get my ... ah. Oh, dear ...".
9. ROLLER COASTER, SCARY OR EXCITING?
   I honestly don't know :). I used to be something like scared/ambivalent towards them. Now, I think I might enjoy them more, but I honestly don't know. If I go to an amusement park, I'll probably try and talk my way out of riding one.
10. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
    Two if I don't know who's calling or things between us are okay, three if I'm giving myself one extra, "okay, deep breath Gaurav, right ..." ring.
11. FUTURE DAUGHTER/SON'S NAME?
    Ask my wife. My family is pretty crap at naming people (c'mon ... "Gaurav"?!). Plus, I suspect my wife will already have given this more than enough thought.
12. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
    Having fun. Serving a purpose. Making people happy. In that order.
13. FAVORITE FOODS?
    I love food. 'nuff said. Don't wanna gross anybody out by enumerating my preferences. I love well made coffees, long, cold, icy, creamy. I like crumbly stuff too. Of course, all Maharashtrians love Maharashtrian food first and foremost - as far as I know, my subcaste has a unique cuisine, which is delicious. But then again, it's home-food, so I might just be biased ... :).
14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
    Vanilla, by a fraction of an inch. No, wait ... chocolate. Never mind.
15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
    I can't drive. I don't think I'd like to drive fast, but I'm not going to find out. (Ha! Figure that answer out!)
16. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
    No. I am not secure enough in my masculinity to do that yet. One day, I will.
17. STORMS: COOL OR SCARY?
    AWESOME. Simply awesome. Having grown up in Mumbai, storms have always been these incredibly powerful things, both extremely scary - and intimidating! - in a little-kid-kinda way (lots of people die in Bombay storms), as well as a seasonal thing - and how beautiful everything looks after a good rainstorm! So, yes: awesome, awesome, awesome.
18. WHAT IS YOUR PERSONAL THEME SONG?
    Keeps changing. At this moment, it's a rather complex combination of Eminem songs, I guess. In the tradition of the blogfection, I shall attempt to sing a few verses I like ...

    His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy,
    There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti,
    He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready,
    To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin',
    What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud,
    He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out,
    He's chokin, how everybody's jokin now,
    The clock's run out, time's up over, bloah!
    Snap back to reality, Oh, there goes gravity,
    Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked!
    He's so mad, but he won't
    Give up that easy, no
    He won't have it, he knows
    his whole back's to these ropes
    It don't matter, he's dope
    He knows that, but he's broke
    He's so stacked that he knows
    When he goes back to his mo-
    bile home, that's when it's back
    to the lab again, yo
    This whole rap shit, he better go
    capture this moment and hope
    it don't pass him

    -- Eminem, Lose Yourself

    Too much for me to wanna stay in one spot,
    Another day of monotony has gotten me,
    To the point I'm like a snail,
    I've got to formulate a plot 'fore I end up in jail or shot,
    Success is my only m***********g option, failure's not,
    Mom, I love you, but this trailer's got to go,
    I cannot grow old in Salem's lot,
    So here I go, this is my shot,
    Feet fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got
    
    You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
    You own it, you better never let it go
    You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
    This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo
    

    -- Eminem, Lose Yourself

    That's why we
    Seize the moment, try to freeze it and own it,
    Squeeze it and hold it, 'cos we consider these minutes golden
    And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone,
    Just let our spirits live on,
    Through our lyrics that you hear in our songs and we can...
    Sing with me,
    Sing for the year
    Sing for the laughter
    and sing for the tears
    Sing it with me,
    Just for today,
    Maybe tomorrow
    The good Lord will take you away...

    -- Eminem, Sing for the Moment

    (Toldja)

19. GREATEST REGRET?
    Can't say. It's probably way too late to think about me ... ermm ... not taking the opportunities I had as well. Not taking the chance to learn, sometimes, many times. Being less than I could be, because I was scared. Being scared. Not being able to let go, sometimes.
20. WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
    The first car I remember was this enormous, ugly Ambassador in Calcutta. Huge, fat, ugly looking thing, though it does have a sort of grand elegance because of its size, like an elephant. In Bombay, we had a Contessa (long, sleek, pretty looking thing) and a 118NE (cute! Seriously, seriously cute. And very comfy). Most of my memories from Bombay are tied up with the Contessa. And my Grandad had this little red Maruti 800 ... I believe it was #47 or #48 off the line in India, and he had a certificate of which he was immensely proud (or so my Mum says). That car, which I can remember him driving around, has taken him, my mum and my aunt from Pune to Kanyakumari, the southernmost point of India, on a somewhat insane adventure-trip (oh, they had maps - it wasn't totally insane. Alas :). Was lots of fun listening to my mum reminiscing about it when, last year, we went to one of the places they visited (Halebid). A few photos are up on my website.
21. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON ALIVE?
    I really don't know. My grandad? My mum's mum ... my dad's dad, I didn't know at all, but my mum's dad I still have a lot of memories of. I'm a lot like him, what with the hackerness and entrepreneuristic bent of mind and whatnot.
22. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
    Gin and Tonic :). I don't like beer, but I'd love to try more cocktail-type drinks.
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE?
    CEO of a startup. Of a fun, exciting startup. With very little capital :P.
24. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR?
    Ermmm, can't say, don't know. I'll leave it as it is. It has been turning white since I was twelve, so I don't honestly see the point of stopping now.
25. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
    Yes. No. Maybe. God, okay: I think I have been in love. Atleast twice, possibly more. My definition of love might change, but that's what I think right now.
26. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
    *Glug* *glug* *glug* ... I'm sorry, what was the question again?
27. FAVORITE MOVIE?
    Hmmmm ... can't say ... from a romantic/relationship point of view, I think Annie Hall is pretty cool. I love tragic movies, like Schindler's List, Life is Beautiful and Osama (the Afghan movie). I love any movie which doesn't take itself too seriously. Most of all, I get a big kick out of certain crappy Hindi movies, as long as I'm watching them with someone.
28. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
    Drawers :|. I love old KR.
    If you're trying to ask about monsters, nope. They exist in real life and outside my room, but inside I'm pretty safe and untouchable. And no, none under my bed or in the cupboard.
29. PHOBIAS?
    Ha! Cockroaches, indecision (okay, not a phobia exactly), any non-mammal which might bite or sting me, big dogs, and I guess most of all appearing scared.
30. DO YOU HOLD GRUDGES?
    Hmmmm ... hard to say. I don't generally hold emotions against people I guess ... the way I feel about people are sort-of constantly in flux anyway. I am more sarcastic with people who piss me off.
31. WHAT WAS THE LAST DREAM YOU HAD?
    Can't remember. Had a weird dream a coupla weeks back about something being wrong back home in Bangalore, but everybody was fine.

Okay, that's the end of the survey. I'm going to add five more questions. I'll ask anyone who copies this blog to add five more of their own, and make a comment in my blog so I can answer their five questions as well.

32. What is your greatest inspiration?
    I think the purpose of life is to make something of it, and that's what I'm working towards right now. I'd also love to have the whole married-with-kids thing sometime in the future, and I'd like to make enough money to make sure I (we?) can provide for my (our?) kids. So yeah, trying to work towards that as well. Most of all, I think life should be fun, and I'm hoping to wrap all of the above into one ideal profession. Will keep you updated.
33. What is your most angry/emotional memory?
    Australia ... well, that's the archetypal answer for me, I guess. Basically, I got picked on a lot and got really lonely in the one year that I lived there. A combination of racism, not fitting in and sort-of growing up alone, I guess. I'm not sure how true that is any more, however. I managed to exorcise some of my demons a year and a half ago. Maybe last semester - there was a lot of anger, frustration and sheer confusion going on for me. Lot of stuff which I needed to figure out, but I couldn't think straight, and forces pulling all ways at once. This sem is much better already, and it's getting better. So that's good, then :).
    The Australia experience has left me with a real hatred of prejudice (yeah, I know ... I'm prejudiced against prejudice ...), a love of the book Bridge to Terabithia (which seems to get more beautiful every time I read it), and a long unfulfilled wish to swim with dolphins. Oh, okay, fine, I admit it. It still makes me mad if I reach out and touch some of those memories. I think everybody has a little river of pure anger running down their heart somewhere, and there's always something - some memory, some emotion, some words - which can turn it into a bubbling river of lava in minutes. For me, Australia'll always be that. But I did exorcise some demons, and hopefully one day I'll be able to face it with an open mind and look at the good sides as well as the bad of that year.
34. What do you think your friends hate about you most?
    Okay, first off, I think I come off as being either too smart for my own good (in either sense) or too stuck up to be approachable. I think they come to realise that while I am obsessed with the sound of my own voice (hey, when you've got it ... !) and do love to tell people things, that I'm not doing it to look down on anyone (I only look down on people who I think unjustly look down on my abilities with computers), that I don't really have an ego problem (except as above), and that I'm relatively harmless otherwise. :)
35. Your five best qualities.
    
    1. Can be somewhat insightful when it comes to other people's emotions. There are some notable exceptions.
    2. Can be quite adventuresome on occasion. I have a pretty good sense of direction, so I love going somewhere and just wandering around.
    3. Can be surprisingly patient about some things.
    4. Genuinely love good music (good by my definition, naturally). Not that that matters explicitly, but I like being able to love something just because it's beautiful.
    5. Can be creative. I think.
36. Your five worst qualities.
    
    1. Procastinates like crazy about stuff he don't like as much.
    2. Can be very lazy - partially out of laziness, partially cos he's scared of what the research might uncover.
    3. Is absolutely crap at talking to people.
    4. Finds it very hard to get close to someone (is that a good thing?)
    5. No self discipline.

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Realise is an IT consultancy firm in Edinburgh. They sound like exactly the kinda company I'd like to work in. Or start, even :).

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It's what I've been saying to myself for the last six hours or so, so it might as well be what I start this blog with. Basically, I'm on a semi-high - despite really falling behind with some study stuff and some lab stuff - because for the first time in days, I got a coupla hours of really good sleep down in the afternoon. So that helped my crankiness a little. Sorta chilled out too ... just lay around watching tele in the evenings ... that was fun. Also, been thinking about stuff and stuff and ... it's kinda cool, you know. There's so many times in the last few weeks when I've gotten totally depressed about the improbability of actually pulling off any of my "dreams" .. but shit, you know, it's been weeks already, I've had a hundred hurdles thought up and put down ... and you know what? I'm still here. I'm still in the game. Yay me!

On other news ... well, there ain't other news, is there? Yeah, life is boring. Life sucks. But atleast it's sucking slowly enough that I get a nice ride :). Or something. Insert witty ending here, and see ya for tonight.

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