Gaurav's Blog

This can usually be found on Twitter.

On the upside, I'm feeling a little better now, so that's good. Otherwise life's been a bit of a complicate wash of emotions - none of them particularly nice - recently. Work is supremely unsatisfying all of a sudden; non-work school stuff is scary and troubling, and future-work stuff just makes me sick to the pit of my stomach with fear. And while what passes for my social life is oh-kay-ish (hanging out with apartment-mates is fun, had a long, late, strange chat with an oldish friend yesternight), it's still pretty lonely, and I hate feeling down and depressed and not having someone I can talk to honestly and openly about all this.

And the best bit about all this is that this particular year, being all shit and all unto itself (too much potty talk? I'm sorry, man, I'm really absolutely not feeling all that good at all, really. I'm sorry. I'll be better tomorrow, I promise, but please just let me rant and rave and jump and so on as much as I want, just for now). And so when I get depressed about something, or someone, it mashes up with the general rottenness of the year - most of which I still haven't in any way shape or form gotten used to, or faced up to, or whatever - and it all sorta comes on down on the top of my head with the force of a barrel of bricks or whatever, and it hurts. I hate feeling my own heart and feeling it actually, physically, hurt. No fun. At all.

I'm realising that I'm copying Tarun's style of a single running unbroken monologue without much by way of punctuation or pause or whatever. It's more fun that way.

You try, and you fail,
And love it like a little dog
And feed it on the scraps you find
And kiss it while you're still asleep

You buy now and pay later

-- The Whitlams, Buy Now, Pay Later (Charlie No. 2)

This post was posted by Unknown at 12:23 am