Gaurav's Blog

This can usually be found on Twitter.

At the end of the day, every human being is fundamentally alone. There is no way of getting over that fundamental line in the sand: whatever we do, where-ever we go, however we get there, whenever we get back, if we ever get back at all, it's all by ourselves that we do it. No amount of closeness, resonance, or love (I think, maybe, perhaps) is going to change that.

So, post #399 is all about me: from then to now. It's all going to be in a bit of a muddle, and I really shouldn't up so late, not when I'm so satisfyingly sleepy (did you ever know, witchspellbound boy, the joy of sleep uncalled for? But then, neither do I, and sleep is still a bit of a disaster area for me), but oh well - it's either now or tomorrow, and I'm hoping that tomorrow some time I can make space for the great #400 - or, you know, Tuesday, before I leave; the very day I leave. Ah, excitements etc!

Has there been a lot of growing? I think, in retrospect, I'm proud to say, no. Not in the same way that, for instance, my first year in Singapore had a lot of growing. I changed, I moulted, I arose anew (sometimes unsuccessfully), that sort of thing. The last year has been pretty stable, all things considered: new stuff have been more additions rather than, you know, upgrades. Whole and complete changes. This has been easier and nicer, and a whole lot less stressful for me.

And I still think that life is beautiful - I don't know how much I could argue for it now, though. I've found out a bit more about the darker sides of life, maybe; it could just as easily be argued I'm just adding to stuff that I already knew? Yeah, it probably is. Well. Err. Don't know leh. Lesse how?

So what hasn't changed? Well, I still like biology more than I'll admit, although I like it a lot less than I'd need to work in the field, atleast now (a few years of that insiduous game called Real Life should fix that). I know I don't want to do research, because I don't really care for it that much, but I'd still like to hang out with researchers, listen to seminars, or umm you know that sort of thing. Maybe. Dunno. It's a question for later, I suppose.

Friends? They're still around, but I'm a bit further from everybody than I used to be. The only sad thing there is, I'm not sure why - will it backfire later on? I don't know. I think, I hope, I believe that somewhere between absolute ice and whatever approaches the intimacy limit with me, that it'll make sense?, that it's all going to be alright - not perfect, but it was never perfect with me, and I seriously doubt it'll ever be, so, you know, it's cool. I'll do my usual jumping-under-trees routine, and I'll be happy. That's not an issue. I've had friends long enough that I don't think they'll randomly run off any time soon, and if I change - or they change - well, dekha jayega. And - and I know this from personal experience - I will survive, even in case of a total friendship meltdown. Really. I will. However bad things are, there will always be rainbows.

Bicycling. It's become very important lately; I've always loved it, but now that daily commutes to work are possible, and exercising on it is fun (Yay, NParks and your 2.3+2km long cycle track!), expect this to become much, much more important: assuming, you know, that my laundry can keep up. KEEP UP! On the other hand, while this is more personally satisfying (i.e. makes me happy), it wasn't half as much fun as aerobics. But, hey: the achievements are somehow more rewarding.

I love looking back at posts like this, and ... the biggest difference is that right now, I couldn't write posts like that, even if I tried. There's an edge to them, of defining a meaning to my life, to my self, a meaning which makes sense in my own convoluted internal logic. I've given up on that, at some point of time, and realised that if I'm to be happy, it makes a lot more sense focusing on the external stuff, and letting the internals - that 'orribly disorganised mishmash of egg-like consistency - take it's own damn course. I'm too busy living life to notice the little things: or, perhaps, my life is grounded in the Real World now (unlike, you know, how it used to be).

Hopefully, I will put in a #400 post tomorrow or something, and then a #401 when I get back. That will be all the celebrating this side of blogester. Cheers, y'all, and to all a good night.

p.s. You can also check out my pre-Blogger rantings on my SPS proto-blog. Ah, memories, such sweet happinesses ...

p.p.s. Almost forgot! Here's an article on the oldest condom ever!

This post was posted by Unknown at 2:39 am