This can usually be found on Twitter.
I have reached the psychologically important count of 420 photos on Flickr. Yay me!
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Other than that: stomach still funky, lots of great food, doing nothing at all except writing about FD. It's not much of a vacation, really - a vacation should consist of doing all kinds of crazy stuff, so that you can return to the normality of every day life all revitalised and stuff - but, hey, ho. Let's see how it goes.
Really, I'm impressed just how little I care about things at home. Eat, sleep, read, write. That's all there seems to be to life. I know all these things lead to a flat, uninteresting life, but - to be frank - I really don't care much. It's all good. It's all nice, really, it is.
I am going to need a real vacation, though.
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There's a new Flickr badge up now on the main page only (and that's where it'll stay). Lemme know if you find it at all irritating or anything. And go check out my favourite photos atleast!
Other than that, holiday in India is going fine thus far, although now that I'm semipermanently in Bangalore again, things will probably go slow. Oh well. Hopefully I'll be bored enough by Sunday to pitchfork back into life, pointy end first. It is so uninspiring here though. Sighs.
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Just like the song, 'cept, you know, in singular.
Also: not for long!, which is a surprisingly bright point right about now. It's technically Thursday morning already, and Friday I leave for Bombay, where lots will happen ... err, maybe. I am home properly through the end of the month, though. Still, I just realised how fast that is! It's not much in the grand scheme of things, or even my family's list of fast travel (those awards are consistantly won by my cousins, shuttling into, around and out of the country in a matter of weeks, hitting three-four cities minimum as they go ...), but it's a new first for me.
Kafka on the Shore is getting seriously interesting right now. Still, I (already!) miss not being able to watch random Evangelion episodes as and when, not to mention moving around as much (well ... it's my fault, have been sleeping/on own ass all day today; tomorrow I'd better get moving and shopping if I am to furnish present for nieces). Might try to meet up with K. tomorrow. I should, really. Let's see how that goes: I suppose it hinges on waking up early, but with my stomach in its present state (although it feels a bit better than it did in the morning ...), and with my usual I-can't-sleep-the-first-night-in-a-new-place (or, maybe, I don't want to? I get all nervous or something? or SOMEThing), I'm not sure if an early morning start is even entirely feasable at this stage.
Oh well, live and learn. Or, you know. Live. At any rate.
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I thought I might as well, you know, now that I'm leaving lab for the next three weeks (always get kinda sad leaving lab! It's like leaving home, except ... unlike home, it's always changing; you never know what you're coming back to, what's going to change next, etc.), and after I've - for once! - had a good night of coding.
The new code (although it won't get to work for another three weeks) runs. It works. It's strange, and needs much elegantification, but it's not too bad. It's a positive note. I like positive notes. It's something to look back on, something to look forward to. It's a memory which will evaporate in the light of the sun, but whose scent will remain for an hour, a day, a minute. Whatever.
I'm going to go home now. Shower, maybe. Sleep. A lot. As much as possible.
Wake up ... dunno. If I wake up at eight, I rush to the airport. If I wake at six, I move slower. If I wake up by four, I get to go shopping first. Like that. I guess, mentally, I've left Singapore already. All that's left is for my feet to follow my head.
And then? Who knows. Who cares? Sri Lanka airport. Bangalore airport. Home. Sleep. Maybe chat. Maybe call, but probably not as soon as tomorrow - or maybe. Maybe I'll get lonely. Maybe I'll miss everybody for a day or two (it happens). Maybe I'll pop right in. Maybe I'll fall in love, and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll discover something I didn't know, and maybe I'll have the most boring three weeks of my life. Maybe I'll make new friends, and maybe I'll loose the ones I've got. Maybe I'll take pictures ... lots of pictures ... and maybe my camera will mysteriously stop working tomorrow.
It's random, painful, scary, but no longer terrifying. It's empty, hollow, lonely, and yet there's always another nook or cranny to poke into. It's huge, enormous, uncharted, but if you've got a bicycle and you want to go, there's really no saying where you'll end up.
That's life. Hate it or love it, you've got to play it. A happy roll of the die to all my friends, and anybody else reading this. Don't know if I'll be blogging from India, or if I'll be keeping my Flick happy, or even 43T. God only knows if I'll even be alive tomorrow. What're you going to do?
Easy. Pick up the bicycle and keep going. Can't be that hard.
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So, here we are at last!
Well, I'm sitting in lab, currently wasting just a little bit of time so that I don't bump into my labmates on the way out (they're going to watch soccer; I'd like to, but it seems ... odd ... to be off enjoying myself when there's still a pile of work to be done, and particularly when there is actually still enough time to do it in, besides the which, I'm in long pants, and wandering around doing shopping in long pants is never fun. Let's see. It's only 7:30 or so now; I figure that I can leave as late as ... I don't know, 8, 8:30 for sure. The dodgy thing is, what to buy: if it's just books, I can get them (probably cheaper) in India, and that's probably the best gift for the little ones. For Rohit? Anuja? I'm not very sure, and I can't really think of anything right now.
(Went off for dinner with Viks; now back: it is now 11:30pm)
Agh. Hydra still stubbornly refuses to run Farhan's dataset. Will somebody save me from all these computers!
Coming back: so, where am I? I mean, this is logically the 'present' post (as opposed to yesterday's yesterday post, and next month's tomorrow post), but I suppose the present is much too short a period to actually write home about? I mean, think about it: it's like this tiny little bit between tomorrow and yesterday. So I'm going to let today leak into tomorrow, I suppose. Maybe I won't do a tomorrow post in July. So what?
About the only thing I find interesting (although I'm not all that good at it right now, I certainly have the skills for it) is web design. So I'm considering working part time on it and seeing how that goes, and maybe-just-maybe starting my own company. I'm thinking of something as cool as these guys, although starting way smaller, but growing as the market grows, that sort of thing. Start with close to nothing (except the clients I pick up in the next few months), and then grow that into a small one-man consulting outfit, then into a proper web design COMPANY.
Wow, that's a lot of tomorrow to put into a single post, isn't it?
Remember, plans can change. I could have pushed to try doing something like this NOW, but decided not to because I didn't think I was ready. In the next six months, I either WILL be ready, or will KNOW that I'm not ready - I hope. And I'll have some money and experience under my belt, which would be nice. I wonder if that'll be enough. I won't do anything stupid, unless I really have to. But I'm not walking away just because it scares me.
The one BIG thing I've got going for me - as Yahamz pointed out a week or two ago - is that I've got time to build things up slowly. As long as I can swing work for the next six months and a PRship, it's a good backbone. Weeeellllll, you know. It's something.
Other than that: there ain't much by way of guarantees, but all things considered, life is bordering on "okay" (unless, you know, things like that which happen today become more common, in which case ... to be honest, I just don't know, but as a logical aside, isn't that what Life is about? The unknown?), but I've got so many little stabilizers, it is pretty friggin' COOL, all things considered.
Take my bicycle (who still doesn't have an interesting name).
I can cycle ANY time I want. Really. The track is close by, it's fun, it's exhausting, it's distracting (and if I really want distraction, well, Bukit Timah is still slightly out of reach ... there are some peaks still to be climbed, etc.).
As I mentioned a while ago, it's also really fun that there's so much which can beat my emotional stocking out of me so quickly ... like Beethoven's "Pathetique" (Piano Sonata No. 8, Op. 13; specifically, I'm thinking of the 2nd movement), so much of Evangelion, so many songs, so many memories ...
Sorry if this post is kinda rambly; the present can be like that. Not to worry, by the time it's become the past, it generally becomes a lot more coherent, and makes a whole lot more sense in all. I shudder to think of how completely disorganised the 'tomorrow' post is going to be: probably something like the bit where Rei turns up in Evangelion Episode 24; I'd give you links, but I can't find any :(.
Okay, that's it. There's still a lot to do, and I'm kinda hungry, but I'll figure something out. Gaurav out.
Bonus link for today has to be the freakin' hilarious Mull of Kintyre test. Don't bother if you're not okay with talking about body parts (yes, 'private' ones).
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At the end of the day, every human being is fundamentally alone. There is no way of getting over that fundamental line in the sand: whatever we do, where-ever we go, however we get there, whenever we get back, if we ever get back at all, it's all by ourselves that we do it. No amount of closeness, resonance, or love (I think, maybe, perhaps) is going to change that.
So, post #399 is all about me: from then to now. It's all going to be in a bit of a muddle, and I really shouldn't up so late, not when I'm so satisfyingly sleepy (did you ever know, witchspellbound boy, the joy of sleep uncalled for? But then, neither do I, and sleep is still a bit of a disaster area for me), but oh well - it's either now or tomorrow, and I'm hoping that tomorrow some time I can make space for the great #400 - or, you know, Tuesday, before I leave; the very day I leave. Ah, excitements etc!
Has there been a lot of growing? I think, in retrospect, I'm proud to say, no. Not in the same way that, for instance, my first year in Singapore had a lot of growing. I changed, I moulted, I arose anew (sometimes unsuccessfully), that sort of thing. The last year has been pretty stable, all things considered: new stuff have been more additions rather than, you know, upgrades. Whole and complete changes. This has been easier and nicer, and a whole lot less stressful for me.
And I still think that life is beautiful - I don't know how much I could argue for it now, though. I've found out a bit more about the darker sides of life, maybe; it could just as easily be argued I'm just adding to stuff that I already knew? Yeah, it probably is. Well. Err. Don't know leh. Lesse how?
So what hasn't changed? Well, I still like biology more than I'll admit, although I like it a lot less than I'd need to work in the field, atleast now (a few years of that insiduous game called Real Life should fix that). I know I don't want to do research, because I don't really care for it that much, but I'd still like to hang out with researchers, listen to seminars, or umm you know that sort of thing. Maybe. Dunno. It's a question for later, I suppose.
Friends? They're still around, but I'm a bit further from everybody than I used to be. The only sad thing there is, I'm not sure why - will it backfire later on? I don't know. I think, I hope, I believe that somewhere between absolute ice and whatever approaches the intimacy limit with me, that it'll make sense?, that it's all going to be alright - not perfect, but it was never perfect with me, and I seriously doubt it'll ever be, so, you know, it's cool. I'll do my usual jumping-under-trees routine, and I'll be happy. That's not an issue. I've had friends long enough that I don't think they'll randomly run off any time soon, and if I change - or they change - well, dekha jayega. And - and I know this from personal experience - I will survive, even in case of a total friendship meltdown. Really. I will. However bad things are, there will always be rainbows.
Bicycling. It's become very important lately; I've always loved it, but now that daily commutes to work are possible, and exercising on it is fun (Yay, NParks and your 2.3+2km long cycle track!), expect this to become much, much more important: assuming, you know, that my laundry can keep up. KEEP UP! On the other hand, while this is more personally satisfying (i.e. makes me happy), it wasn't half as much fun as aerobics. But, hey: the achievements are somehow more rewarding.
I love looking back at posts like this, and ... the biggest difference is that right now, I couldn't write posts like that, even if I tried. There's an edge to them, of defining a meaning to my life, to my self, a meaning which makes sense in my own convoluted internal logic. I've given up on that, at some point of time, and realised that if I'm to be happy, it makes a lot more sense focusing on the external stuff, and letting the internals - that 'orribly disorganised mishmash of egg-like consistency - take it's own damn course. I'm too busy living life to notice the little things: or, perhaps, my life is grounded in the Real World now (unlike, you know, how it used to be).
Hopefully, I will put in a #400 post tomorrow or something, and then a #401 when I get back. That will be all the celebrating this side of blogester. Cheers, y'all, and to all a good night.
p.s. You can also check out my pre-Blogger rantings on my SPS proto-blog. Ah, memories, such sweet happinesses ...
p.p.s. Almost forgot! Here's an article on the oldest condom ever!
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Do yourself a favour and watch the video. Really, friggin' funny stuff.
(Also: I gotta get me this here game!)
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I had a very nice, long post yesterday, saying how thankful I was for a lot of stuff. Perhaps being thankful for the internet's more dodgy behaviour (server downtime, etc.) isn't one of them.
So much to do! So much to dream to try to fail to to to give it a shot no matter what etc. Wow. Life.
Does anybody know if there's anything interesting to do at the Sri Lanka International Airport in the middle of the night? Would food be available? Ah, travel.
New goal. Any suggestions?
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I don't know if I've ever posted this, but if not, well, here it is again.
Marriage, haha. Can't even think that word out without getting simultaneous goosebumps and giggling. Oh well. That's probably how I used to think of sex, once upon a long time, come to think of it. How times change.
I've been hoping I'd have something interesting to blog about for post #400, just around the corner, but ... nope. Doesn't look like it. I'll probably pimp the blogs I read (Popagandhi's back in town, Amit's still at it, tomorrow.sg's gotten kinda slow. My own contributions to the blogsphere are slow, but I suppose/hope/pray that Once I get back from India things can be suitably kicked into gear again, etc.
Speaking of which, I've finally booked tix. Via Sri Lanka, of all places. Let's see how that goes.
Am also cycling now, semi-regularly, which is good fun. Am nicely tired out now; let's see if I can keep it up, which is of course the harder part of the whole endeavor. I managed 8-odd kilometres today: this I know, because I finished both the entire West stretch (2.3kms) and the East stretch (2kms), as well as getting from the end of the East stretch back to the end of the West stretch, which I managed via Commonwealth Ave (scary!, particularly around the Clementi area), and then via Clementi Ave 6 and Faber Hills - which is FUN. Also, am very impressed that I could figure out the Clementi Ave 6/Faber Hills thingie after only going that way just once. Oh well, something to talk about.
I like navigating. Oddly enough, for someone who is so unresponsive with your usual adrenaline-linked stuff (diving, rollercoasters, etc.), I think I really enjoy the dangers of cycling: trying to keep track of buses, cars, taxis, in bad light conditions, while not getting run over. And because nobody wants to run you over, it's really safer than it looks, but scary nonetheless. You quickly acquire quite a long list of that-could-have-been-the-end-of-me moments, not counting the millions of hey-i-shouldn't've-done-thats, etc. I'm rambling, I know; beg pardon, but my mind is somewhat scattered right about now, I shrug and beg pardon again, and don't know what I'm saying or why I'm saying what I'm saying, I'm saying it just to say something to have something with which to say.
Ah the joy and satisfaction which comes from being tired from having a list of things which to do they must be done by tomorrow hopefully by lunch and of course this well might mean a nice long cycling ride for me all the way down down into town down to the place where I buy my tickets and then maybe hopefully figure out tomorrow just what it is that remains to be done and how things are going to be arranged and how they're going to end up like you know by the end of the month or so, I guess. Let's see.
Gah - I'm tired of this whole let's see, let's see business; I wish things would just happen, you know? So much is waiting for the immigration papers etc. to happen, and so much is waiting for ... I don't know. Singapore stay, phase three? Something like that.
Phase three.
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Except, I suppose, all hexakosioihexekontahexaphobics out there. Oh well. You can celebrate once midnight rolls in, and we're all still around.
Unless, of course, either you or I aren't, which would, I guess, be a bummer.
Am still trying to reconcile the whole home thing (cleaning up, cooking - I made french/bombay toast yesterday! For dinner, no less. With sausages. Think of the oil! Won't anyone think of the oil!), with the whole going-home thing, with the whole work thing, with Wombat being thrown in for good measure.
What is Wombat? He's a little doll wombat thingie, old, kinda grey; he is also, in a somewhat convoluted way, my personal Lance of Longinus (Evangelion sense). Why's that? Way, way, way too complicated to put out here in public and all that. Ask me if you feel like it, and if I feel like it, I'll tell you.
Still, all things considered, it's nice to have something to think almost endlessly about when I need to not think about other things.
Post #395, btw.
Good cheer.
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I am 3,894 kms from where I was born, 3,221 kms from where my parents live. Err, okay. I'd love to go all melanocolic and ask how far everybody is "from home", with a wistful sigh. None of that happening any time soon, I'm afraid.
My latest non-sensical crush is on Bukit Timah. After having crossed it thrice in the last week (going to N.'s house last weekend, walking back from the same, and then to S.'s house two days ago), I can't look at it without this overwhelming urge to cycle there. Ugh.
A quick ponder over relevant maps reveals that it's not really all that far neither. Oh, temptation!
As a side point, StreetDirectory now has Google-style pop-up thingies on the mini map. Odd.
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And sleeping! Gosh, darn it. The sleep.
And so much to do! So oh oh oh much.
Pain. Anguish. Trauma. Etc.
Errr ... that's about it. Just need to bitch. Just need to give myself permission to slack off for a while. Like, not ODP slacking off, or whatever - real, solid, painful slacking off. Like, the stuff dreams are made of. Like that.
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So:
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(P.C. notes: Man = "Human", Amazing = "Astounding | Incredible | Unbelievable / etc")
Sometimes, it seems, there's entire levels at which you work and function: love, loss, adventure, work, action, responsibility, memories (I had a major attack of the last on Orchard today; no fewer than three crushes/girls remembered. Awesome.)
Then a lot of fun Ikea-shopping (fun!, even if a lot of the stuff I wanted is out of the immediate budget). I am one mattress, one pillow, and one computer/TV table 'richer'. And the computer table I assembled myself! It was just like Lego[tm] (although I need a screwdriver), and it's not *quite* done yet (there's holes you gotta make so that the table isn't sitting on the ground, wood-to-wood, it has little plastic pegs to sit on, which need the holes to be screwed on to the wood with. Sorry if that's at all hard to read at all. Mea culpa).
Partially, I feel like just taking tomorrow off unpacking and getting my bicycle fixed and just forgetting about the Thailand trip, and yet I can't help but feel it'll be a teensy, weensy bit of a cop-out. Let's see. Tomorrow, then.
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"A beach house," he said, "doesn't even have to be on the beach. Though the best ones are. We all like to congregate," he went on, "at boundary conditions". "Really?" said Arthur. "Where land meets water. Where earth meets air. Where body meets mind. Where space meets time. We like to be on one side, and look at the other."